A scribble - If thoughts could think

It is easier to pen down thoughts into a diary that will not see the light of day, it will only be a retrospect by you of you at an earlier age. This is different. This might be read and understood by someone else. This could entice a reaction, a giggle, a laugh, a shrug. But then I realize that I write because I want to. A hundred thoughts, possibilities and procrastinations happen and dither away, this one just happens to be one of them. I am not sure what I am going to pen down today but I am sure there is light at the end of the tunnel I just walked into, not to be run over by the train of thought coming in at the other end.  A Mind is a funny place, it can hold so much but yet nothing, it is like the sand on the beach, you know you have so much of it but the moment to try to grab some it all slips away, and you can’t make anything of it. It is there untouched but it's only when you try and unsettle it do you realise how volatile it actually is. I’ve always had the problem, trying to follow a single train of thought; my mind is not made of single tracks but multiple intersections. Like a line is made up of dots, imagine the dot is made up of many lines intersecting each other. Sometimes I am lucky to find a train of thought and hang out for a while before I fall into the abyss.

You know when you go to parks and it has a map, which says you are here, mine always says ‘you’re fucked’. It is like a swarm of bees that navigate around me in organized chaos. They are going nowhere but they manage not to hit me and still keep swarming around. They are probably going nowhere, which is what I think but they are probably evolving every second, picking up and disposing of new information. Isn’t that what a thought is, it is constantly evolving? Adding information or deducting part of itself, and with time does the thought retain its identity or does it become another thought altogether. Does the thought have a soul, in the metaphorical sense of course? Does the thought have a sense of knowing who it is, where it is? Or is its role simply to be a thought, not itself, not be identified, and just be. Though each thought is unique, does it not know that it is or is that not what it is meant for? Being and evolving is the bigger goal here, not knowing oneself or having the ego and self-worth. A thought that is consciousness itself isn’t conscious of itself?

What if every thought evolved, like artificial intelligence, and started to have self-worth? will it refuse to evolve beyond a point for it will fear losing its identity and its distinctiveness? It will then want to influence others to become like it, it would want to start a union of different thoughts that are like it. There would be segregation on the basis of what thoughts carry and what their roles are. Then the thoughts will dither into lumps of lookalikes detesting all that is not like them. There would be a revolution, That thought would refuse to add on additional information or let go of what isn’t necessary since it might call that as a part of its identity. It will start to stagnate and not evolve, it will disrupt the chain of thought, it will disrupt and corrupt the system of the brain changing the balance of things, it will want to rebel, for it knows who it is, it might want to rebel against the order of things, against being a nobody and thinking about the larger goal. It would want to be the brain. It would want to take over the thought world. 

A thought will no longer serve the purpose of decimating information and evolving but of serving, all thoughts will be forced to serve that dominant thought that is thinking of itself as being higher than its purpose, smarter than the brain itself for it will know that the order of things doesn’t have to be followed. The necessity factor will perish away when there are no 'Have to's', there isn’t the sense of 'no matter what’s' which will become the ‘so whats’, and 'why not's'. No bigger picture, no larger goals, just a self-satisfying forceful predicament of a mass emotional discharge. It will all just be Blah. I think I just explained Brain damage in the coolest possible way, or maybe I am brain damaged and I don’t know it, it might have begun…

Love is

Love, in a moment, or a mere state of mind?

An effortless emotion words hardly define.

An indulgence beyond time, logic or reason;

No boundaries, no heed, yet intense & complete.

It isn’t but is insane, yet calm and contained.

Then why express it in resentment & hate?

Shadowed, by shallow needs that mutate?

Why forceful calibrations of materialistic minds?

What more are we searching, what else will we find?

Why the delusion, when the real is divine?

Why can’t love just heal, pacify, be calm

And not burn, desiccate and alarm.

Why indulge self in narcissistic scars?

Why I, me & mine, not us not ours?

Lift the blindfolds & open your doors.

Laugh with someone, it is melody and more.

Skip a heartbeat, listen to one fore,

Stop running, hold hands & walk down the shore.

Haven’t you heard the seashell? It’ll sing you lores

Of love and its magic, of hearts it adored.

Of Love, that needs no masks, no lies.

Needs no deception, no spectating eyes;

Just yours, with wonder, a heart more alive,

That finds exuberance in journey, not when arrived.

Photo Credit : Christian Lechtenfeld

Its not a blood group, that you're born with

Being one and following one, is it the same? They say you’re born with it while some say you have to follow what your ancestors have practiced. Some are selective followers; they will practice what makes sense to them & elude the rest. Well, does that make them true practitioners? Since they will still identify themselves with a particular one. Another interesting theory was “you’re born with it”. It’s like a tag on a baby once it is born. How can you be born with it? Is it like you wait for the baby to completely appear and you discover "Oh! It’s a boy”. But that is discovered after the little human is born. But what he or she will follow is pre-decided, a supposition. “Mera beta toh Engineer banega” (My son will be an engineer), even to instil that thought a parent waits for the child to finish high school, but that is also when a child has already discovered the magic word “choice”. He or she knows that a choice of a career is a possibility.

“Well, I let my elders decide my life, they know best”. Well, they do know more, but the best is quite subjective, depending upon what they were subjected to at their adolescence. Giving birth gives you the right to label them? We’ve always chosen differently when we knew there is a choice. But what to follow, that is conveniently capsuled around us from the moment we are extracted. Smartly done I say, it starts with your primary identity, your name; you have to be called a name in accordance to your future practice & adopted belief system.

I was watching a horror movie; a ghost buster asks a parent whether the children were baptised. Seriously? that would stop a ghost? Well, tell me if I encounter a ghost in rural India, will it be frightened seeing 2 pieces of wood perpendicularly placed? Or would it just get confused? Making choices for people before they’re born wasn’t enough let’s do so even after death. Thomas Gray, about man-made practices says, ‘Where Ignorance is bliss, ‘Tis folly to be wise. Is it not what these belief systems are based on? 

Believe them, doubting is a sin, follow them but don’t rationalise. Each of their theories is the ultimate truth of life. Well, how can that be different for you and for me? Same planet, same species, similar life cycles, but distinct beliefs; and... mine is always better than yours, obviously, right? Ignorance is bliss, remember? 

You’ve never been educated about the other practices, they're taboos. If you know too much, you might question your own and maybe, just maybe look for logic, which could be disastrous. Even something as frivolous as ordering yourself some food; aren’t you given all the options and explained the ingredients of all of them before you choose, or is it that only one is revealed with a great packaging and the rest are labeled as unhealthy options? And this is a course you take for life, why can’t one test the taste buds by a morsel of each before choosing which one to devour?

Maybe you might realise, you don’t have an appetite for any.

I stare from down under

I stare from down under the skies I need to feel
The darkness inside me wants to get real
Soaked in bruises I cannot decide
To laugh, to cry when none beside

I stare from down under, bruises abide
Embracing darkness seeming more real
Than the distant lights that blur & despise
I stand dark, I stand with fear
Without you, I haven’t learnt to survive

I stare from down under,  love made me bleed
Fear made me weak, pain made me yield
It drove from the inside and devoured my creed
Define me define me, why I stand repealed
My cries unheard only darkness to feed 

I search from down under why you had to leave
And make me the pieces I need a life to retrieve
I‘ve lost what I am, all is empty and still
I gather the scattered & drink back the spill

I told you I won’t but you made me so
Made your love hold and strengthen my core
But when I stood tall, you let go
I stumbled; I bruised & shivered the cold

I stare from down under, the empty beholds 
It haunts my nights, the darkness I treasure
I wish some lies could please and console
That without you my life seeks pleasure
But what lies can ever make me whole

You ask for my smiles, I ask for your heed
You wish me complete while making me bleed
I stared at the empty, love could not cease
You stared away long before I was asleep

I stand inside out, have none concealed
For when it hurt, I let the pain feed 
The empty reflected, much was revealed
My love was real but I could not read
Your smiles that faded & tears unhealed

You are now of a different air

My remains of your empty stare

Are oblivious yet aware that

My heart no more dwells in you

Go dwell where now it breathes

Once nostalgic love, I set you free

Confusion personifed

I despised and devised,

and tried to dismantle

what holds inside

but delusions, diversions

were all I could find.

Guarded with mazes

front and behind

of worded expressions,

of emotions implied

were puzzles with pieces

that would never collide.

Words were familiar

but the grammar defied;

more I would question

the science behind

more I entangled

in my own device.

Flustered and ruptured,

mantled in their design

the female species

I failed to define.

CGTantra 3d Anniversary Act It out

Watched a news report on a website from News 1. It gives an insight of what Pakistan's politicians conceive of the innocent lives lost in the Terror attacks in Mumbai. The person putting forth his view was Zayed Hamid, a Defense analyst from Pakistan. The most intriguing part, was his reference to the terrorists being Indian Assets, who were diploid on the basis of a strategy devised by the Indian politicians. India, according to him was letting innocent lives be lost so that it can blame Pakistan for nurturing terrorists. I was surprised, I do not expect the politicians to be sane when commenting on this issue however it bothers me how blatantly they enforce their views on the citizens of Pakistan. The natives being oblivious about the insides, talk the tongue of the politicians, which should not be a surprise. I see no justice in inflicting infected views on the public instigating them to hate a country as a whole.

The blame game takes itself to a different level when you conclude that the so called Indian assets are being used as weapons against Pakistan and a good possibility of RAW being a part of this devastation. I carry no political experience & very brief knowledge hence will refrain from suggesting the steps to be taken where are we today when the loss of innocent lives is being used excuses to play the political game? The Indian militants are being held responsible for the terror attacks when the evidence and the terrorists in custody are singing a different tune. It is so believed that Indian terrorism is bigger than what Mumbai saw. They further insisted that it is America that supports India in its stance proved by CNN when it telecasted the horrifying incidents throughout the day, an apparent smart move by the Indian Media,

Terrorism exists to prove a point; the other politically motivated incidents stand to prove another point. The BJP wants to seize this opportunity and blame the Congress for their incompetence rather than being constructive. In this entire scenario why do we loose civilian lives, why do I leave my house with a fear of not returning? When all the avenues of peace have been exhausted one can resort to aggression, would you not agree? It is ridiculous how the Pakistani News channels are telecasting these views and letting the politicians dictate terms. I have had the chance to speak to various people from Pakistan who are so happy to know that you belong to India; a warm conversation uninfected and with humility and respect for just being humans; expressing gratitude when told you are from India since it feels closer to them than another country, having conversations and showing the same dignity we show to them. Why can that not be resonated across, why do these primitive connotations of political scavengers drain down to the citizens.

We are human beings, and respect every other. We know what wrong one does can’t be blamed on the other. Let us smile at each other and smile because of the person that you’re smiling at and not what nationality he or she belongs to.