It is easier to pen down thoughts into a diary that will not see the light of day, it will only be a retrospect by you of you at an earlier age. This is different. This might be read and understood by someone else. This could entice a reaction, a giggle, a laugh, a shrug. But then I realize that I write because I want to. A hundred thoughts, possibilities and procrastinations happen and dither away, this one just happens to be one of them. I am not sure what I am going to pen down today but I am sure there is light at the end of the tunnel I just walked into, not to be run over by the train of thought coming in at the other end. A Mind is a funny place, it can hold so much but yet nothing, it is like the sand on the beach, you know you have so much of it but the moment to try to grab some it all slips away, and you can’t make anything of it. It is there untouched but it's only when you try and unsettle it do you realise how volatile it actually is. I’ve always had the problem, trying to follow a single train of thought; my mind is not made of single tracks but multiple intersections. Like a line is made up of dots, imagine the dot is made up of many lines intersecting each other. Sometimes I am lucky to find a train of thought and hang out for a while before I fall into the abyss.
You know when you go to parks and it has a map, which says you are here, mine always says ‘you’re fucked’. It is like a swarm of bees that navigate around me in organized chaos. They are going nowhere but they manage not to hit me and still keep swarming around. They are probably going nowhere, which is what I think but they are probably evolving every second, picking up and disposing of new information. Isn’t that what a thought is, it is constantly evolving? Adding information or deducting part of itself, and with time does the thought retain its identity or does it become another thought altogether. Does the thought have a soul, in the metaphorical sense of course? Does the thought have a sense of knowing who it is, where it is? Or is its role simply to be a thought, not itself, not be identified, and just be. Though each thought is unique, does it not know that it is or is that not what it is meant for? Being and evolving is the bigger goal here, not knowing oneself or having the ego and self-worth. A thought that is consciousness itself isn’t conscious of itself?
What if every thought evolved, like artificial intelligence, and started to have self-worth? will it refuse to evolve beyond a point for it will fear losing its identity and its distinctiveness? It will then want to influence others to become like it, it would want to start a union of different thoughts that are like it. There would be segregation on the basis of what thoughts carry and what their roles are. Then the thoughts will dither into lumps of lookalikes detesting all that is not like them. There would be a revolution, That thought would refuse to add on additional information or let go of what isn’t necessary since it might call that as a part of its identity. It will start to stagnate and not evolve, it will disrupt the chain of thought, it will disrupt and corrupt the system of the brain changing the balance of things, it will want to rebel, for it knows who it is, it might want to rebel against the order of things, against being a nobody and thinking about the larger goal. It would want to be the brain. It would want to take over the thought world.
A thought will no longer serve the purpose of decimating information and evolving but of serving, all thoughts will be forced to serve that dominant thought that is thinking of itself as being higher than its purpose, smarter than the brain itself for it will know that the order of things doesn’t have to be followed. The necessity factor will perish away when there are no 'Have to's', there isn’t the sense of 'no matter what’s' which will become the ‘so whats’, and 'why not's'. No bigger picture, no larger goals, just a self-satisfying forceful predicament of a mass emotional discharge. It will all just be Blah. I think I just explained Brain damage in the coolest possible way, or maybe I am brain damaged and I don’t know it, it might have begun…
